Deeper feelings that made their way up...
even though most can't read them,
they're still known and they're there…
I'm stupid, empty and sad… hollow of life and motivation…
Where's my lust to live?
Am I living or am i just alive?
It feels hard… harsh and rugged…
But a rounded deep emptiness anyway. I'm not pretty, or fine…
In any way, are people just saying that to be nice?
To just feel good about themselves because it's what's “right”?
I feel so stupid… so fucking stupid…
I always manage to be the dark one…
The one that your teachers/parents or even friends warns you about…
The “loner", the outcast or even the one in the corner everyone avoids,
Anywhere I go… People may say I'm “nice, funny, happy" or whatever…
But I fall down… all the time… over and over and over…
FUCK… it's so hard…
I don't want to anymore… I don't wanna be that one in the corner nobody sees…
I try so much to be positive or happy or the one people can relate or talk to…
But not even that helps all the times…
I've put up ladders for people, but they must take the steps.
I've built entire concrete groundings for people to stand on, but they just jump off…
Why can't I be trusted? What have I ever done to feel this sad… ?
What have I ever done to become such a shithole of a human...
Once again
I've finally gotten my own place with my girlfriend that I love more than anything in this world.
Some depressions still lingers within me, but I'm strong, I'm not giving up, not yet...
Feel free to join me here once again to follow my feelings as life goes on.
Cheers.
Long time since last time.
While nobody's readingm I'm writing...
While nobody's smiling, I am.
And while the world's happy, I'm not.
It's been a long time since I felt this hate and mistrust, I needed to begin writing again...
Can anyone understand, can anyone see me ?
I don't know... Whatever, I try to pull myself together again, and be the happy and funny guy.
The people at school sees me as a total diffrent person than I really am.
They laugh and're happy... But what am I, just the "funny guy" everyone relies on when they're down?
I have feelings too you know ?
I'M NOT AN EMPTY SHELL THAT YOU CAN FILL WITH YOUR DEPRESSION!
I'm already full of my own darkness... 
Bild tagen av; mor...
Love...
Soon, 2 days... I will feel how it feels, feel how it will fly out inside me.
I were hoping u could see me fly in my mind, soul and body!
You couldn't see it or feel it, feel how proud u were or how sad it would be when I'm not ur child anymore.. I'm turning 18, without u.
It was my last wish that you would witness my day of turning 18.
But that wish flew with u... It's not a problem! U see me from wherever you are..
I don't care if my spelling is bad or I'm writing like an ass.. As long as i feel it's good for me.
And I can see you, in my mind mom... I miss you, I can't realize ur gone, I don't want to!
I wanna sit in the car, feel the happiness with u and the music bounded between our souls.
Two souls entwined with eachother and bound by love and happiness but shattered to pieces by death, it hurts... That the only thing that could rip it apart happend.. It hurts so bad in my chest and soul..
I hate that u left us, but I will ensure you that I will NEVER hate YOU!
Even though I miss you so much I'm ready to rip, twist and tear out my own heart I wont do it.
I'm now a grown up, in 2 days I will be the man i wanted you to see... A man worthy of my name and love to my mother.
I miss you so much... No one can see the sorrow I've buried within me so deep... And I wont ever show it to anyone, I don't want anyone see it, or even feel it.
I don't ever want anyone to feel it... ever...
Bye for this time.. <3
// Hugs, Isak
Screaming freedom!
Well, I've been through much shit now in some time...
But I've at least found my help!
I don't even know if I'm gonna make this rhyme.
Ah, shit the same...
I miss my mom and miss the time with her, but now she got the rest she deserves.
She lifted me up, she brought me to life, game gifts and a good advice.
She told me to never give up or never break down, as I walked in the shadows I wore my own kind of crown..
The one she gave me, the crown to be the son and prince of a loveful mother made me to the man I am today!
I love you as I scream FREEDOM in my life.
you will never be forgotten...
I LOVE YOU!
Though I fight I fall...
I fall, getting back up, fall getting back up but I'm keep falling... Into that ocean.
I hate it, can't leave it and can't recive it... To my mind....
I hate myself and my life. I miss you mom... And I miss the reality
-Trust, currage and randomness-
my life's random, it's happening random stuff all the time, and that's just retarded...
how many really cares about my feelings exept my gf?
my mom ? my dad? my sisters and my brother? not my brother he's just 4 y old..
But I'm falling deeper and deeper in to this sands where the darkness embraces you,
and it's to ruff to get up...
I need that hand that is brave and strong enought to bring me back to the surface.
I may have some contacts left my is there ANYONE that actually will help me to the end?
I don't really think somone have the heart to see my pain.
As I've said before, you got to feel the pain before you can understand another.
I'm glad at least some people look at this, sometimes I'm depressed and sometimes I'm glad.
I hope you have the trust in me<3
So lonely, so painfull
so free, so dark
So cold but so joyfull!
Creeping cold and creeping pains
Feel my heart and feel my pulsing vains
Crap, shit poop and piss
There is something you will miss,
Mabye a thing or two or mabye som shit you NEED to do...
Bajskorv, orkar fan inte skriva mer, finns mycket att skriva men orkar fan inte.
något känns bara fel.
Fucked up reallity!
It's calling my name, it's calling me to fame..
But I don't want it, I don't need it.
I don't see it, I just feel the same...
What should you do?
what should I do?
Have a new feeling, you can have it all by yourself.
Sometimes I feel like this, accept it or deny it.
BAD
Crazy pits of loneliness is embracing me, I want it to stop, I want it to end.
I can't continue with hate and pretend to have a friend, feels like people just faking a friendship with me.
Are you?
No one can ever know my feelings that creeps in my neck, pain, mistress and hate is just a little pieces of the shit I feel.
THAT'S FUCKING BAD!
I was hoping for a new start and I was hoping to just looking forward in the future,
but I'm still stuck in this fucking hole of memories!!!
The memories changes as I got to go...
Something's coming through
What's the problem with me?
Or is the problem really to see?
Or maybe it's come to my duty to pay a fee...
Loneliness, darkness and fake support
I need a teleport...
I see the light in a distance and I see a hate in my deepest soul.
Though I feel something coming and eating me from the inside...
It feels like an shark chewin' on my hart and spits my feelings into a bowl..
It almost feels like when my father tried to take me to the dark side.
He's just full of shit...
And so am I... Bye
Well memories come and go...
Though my past friends are lyin'
Crap has happen, and shit has gone through
My life's been shit and that was ment on YOU... my Dad.
Sometimes u feel bad like i do, and sometimes you feels like and pile of shit.
Right now i feel both, my memories is slowly coming back to me after all that's happen.
I have the help i need, but it's still rough to get it all out of my mind.
But guess what?
I don't like it at all.. well gotta go. bye
Miss everything
I miss Åland and I miss my old life at home.
Where should I go to get to my goals?
Music helps me through all times, can't someone bring me out of this pit of darkness?
Help me someone to get back and let me live normal again.
I just feel like writing again, I really hate everything that's going out of my mind right now.
I tryin' to get back my old life again but on a complete new level!
Just don't try to understand me, you wont succeed... Try to feel me instead!
Ah, just fuck off!
"If u don't feel pain you never will understand another!"
Is it really that simple? nah, not really...
Many people think this is just BULLSHIT but just as I said... You need to understand pain instead of just sit down and THINK you do... Fucking shit..
Om livet var en sång... (Rmk)
Och man gräver ner sig I minnen och tankar
Jag var fast I en dvala, som magiskt varje dag
Drog mig neråt för varje gång jag tagit ett andetag
Och man gräver ner sig I minnen och tankar
Jag kunde hata, inte vilja finnas kvar
Jag kunde bryta ihop för minsta lilla sak
På livets mening och vad vännerna tyckte
Men kämpade på genom kärlek och bråk
Och tog ett steg I taget, för jag strävade mot ett mål
Skulle jag sjunga hela tiden, bara flumma genom livet
Och jag och du, vi skulle kunna alla melodier
Försöker kompromissa så alla drömmar är överens
Sanningen kanske är att jag blivit en tvivlare
Men faktum är att livet går vidare
Och har nu lärt mig att uppskatta världen
Försöker säga saker som är värda att berätta
Från egen erfarenhet, har lärt mig en läxa
Lev dag för dag, gör det inte komplicerat
Jag kunde förneka, blunda för det hela
Men livet är bara dessa sekunder som passerar
Försöker kompromissa så alla drömmar är överens
Jag har sett mörkret, vandrat I dödens dal
Och allt på grund av att mina tankar fick övertag
Bara le för mig och jag känner mig varm
Säger du mitt namn så blickar vi åt samma håll
Vi kan vandra långt, bara börja på en annan sång
Låt ditt hjärta leda vägen för varje steg du tar
Lär dig följa din känsla, lär dig följa ditt hjärta
Se det goda I allt, och inte döma nån människa
Skulle jag sjunga hela tiden, bara flumma genom livet
Och jag och du, vi skulle kunna alla melodier
(Men det var annorlunda förr)
Sitter inte längre och väntar på nästa nederlag
Jag blickar mot toppen fast jag nått ända hit
Det är dags nu för sagan har fått en rubrik
Som när stjärnorna förenas och himmelen stannar
Och man gräver ner sig I minnen och tankar
Men nu vet jag att mina minnen är glädjerika
Så jag höjer min röst och låter världen skina
Han som jag var innan jag glömde mitt jag
Jag har hittat tillbaks, har hårda minnen kvar
Men nu tänker jag hålla lågan brinnandes ett tag
Jag andas min luft med eller utan dig
Stannar en stund för att avnjuta det
Har världen framför mina fötter så jag tar ett steg
Sen tar jag fler, som gör mig glad, jag ler
Min ögonsten gör att jag klarar nästa kliv
Och nu tvivlar jag inte längre på vad kärlek kan skapa
Dina skratt, dina ord är värda att sakna
Har varit kär I såna som körde över en
Men det är slut på gamla visor, vänder bladet
Nytt kapital, ett nytt liv, en bättre dag
Koss Porta Pro
Finally, nya hörlurar! Awsome..
But there's a person I miss like hell.. You know who you are.
The name starts with an A.
I hope you still love me.
<33
One beautiful month with my lovely Ah.
I love with all of my heart, and I hope we stay together forever and ever.
It's you and me against the world
It's you and me wandering toward dreams!
I'll allways be there for you my lovely
So we can sit down married an watch sky-beams<3
I Love you <3
Till min Pappa
Du är o förblir min ende pappa...som jag älskar & saknar
<'3
I'm in a real pain
No one trusts me
why can't everyone just stop complain?
How am I supposed to carry this shit long enough to throw it away?
I don't know cuz I feel like this every day!
Someone help me... Or at least draw me up from the pit of sadness!
Dark stars, dark texts. It's madness...
Fuck it...
Fuck it now...!
boooring i skolan! =O
Sitter i skolan nu och har exakt 47 minuter tills jag börjar...
Har vart på Åland sen i fredags och kom hem igår!
Det var riktigt kul där... Firade min systerson som fyllde 1 år.
Det fick mig och tänka på Älby tiden, 19 mars 2009 flyttade jag till Älby
(Samma dag som min systerson föddes)
Jag har tänkt länge på att åka tillbaka och hälsa på, ska väl göra det så småningom!
Min älskling följde även med till ön och var där med mig.
För det mesta var jag med S och C.
Det var kul som själve faen.. och btw, för första gången ska S komma över i helgen och vara hos mig i Sverige! FAN VA NICE! :D:D
Aja.. sitter och lyssnar på All That Remains - Undone från albumet Overcome
(Skitbra musik som S tipsade mig om)
S, C och jag drog till Uncan (Ungdomsgård) Och brottades på tjockmattan igen som vanligt.
Sprang runt på ön med pinnar o skit o slog sönder snö, och solat lite på ett tak ;)
men men.. nu har ni fått en uppfattning om hur allt går o fungerar just nu.
Ha det så gött så länge. C ya
Everything and always...
It's always my fault...
Now I did it for the last time
I can't live home
I say it myself
This is probably the last thing I ever write on my blogg
So I don't know
Mabye bye
And mabye hi...
C ya
Fuck it.
Blooming for the last time
Death is a bird
Flying its last journey
Death is darkness
Choking the last bit of life out of us
Death is the five letter word
That haunts everyone, no matter how old
Death happens
And when it does, it isn’t easily forgotten
Life is taken for granted
But death is known and disliked by everyone
In life everything exists
In death nothing exists
Death is uncontrolled and unchained
No one can control it, everyone gets it
Death
